Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Vote the All Night Party! Howard the Duck #7
"The Way the Cookie Crumbles!"
Patsy's experiment LIVES!!!
"Its candy eyes gleam with newly-infused consciousness---and malice. It shuffles menacingly forward on moist, flaky limbs!!" intones Gerber, tongue firmly in cheek.
"There goes the SALE, I guess," says disbelieving "life style consultant" Heathcliff.
Howard's convinced to put down his garbage can shield and join Bev at the...locked door. "What a stupid way to die!" the duck grumbles, before diving off the stairs.
If you can't beat'em, EAT'em!
He chews off its right leg. It falls, starts a fire, and Bev and Howard have to dive out the Tower window. With some more banter regarding the others, they then "Hit the Dirt!" After some more banter, Howard criticizes the cookie and Bev declares Patsy a "product of her environment." She hopes to hit New York by noon.
"Get Down, America!"
A somewhat lecherous country and western star named Dreyfuss Gultch gives the pair a ride in his tricked-out Mercedes. Out the window, Howard notices a sign for "Rev. Yuc's bicentennial prayer meeting and Korean Karate Exhibition Next Week." Gultch explains he's in town for a political convention for the All-Night Party. An entendre later, Bev lands them both work. Ya-hoo! "A suite at the Plaza! We made it! We made it!" Bev says.
Presents arrive, via a bellboy who waits for his tip. Bev aggressively kisses his hand, to his shock. Howard comes out of the bath to find Bev freshly changed into her over-the-top red, white and blue...and Howard gets to dress as security, complete with billy-club.
"Gee...Howard the Pig. You swing that stick like a natural," she says, to ruffle his feathers. "Can it, baby! You know I'm uncomfortable as an authority figure.
"That's what they ALL say---'till they put on the uniform! You revel in that sense of power---and you KNOW it."
"Listen, toots---any that's dependent on duds for his power doesn't revel too long."
When they part company, Howard finds many things out of place; his security chief is busy making Linda from hospitality feel "secure." Now Howard walks in on a committee meeting, where Mr. Sangor argues the CIA needs carte blanche to kill their own agents in emergencies, while Mr. Langor insists on assassination "only in self-defense."
Moderator: I'm afraid Mr. Sangor's predictably animalistic conservatism and Mr. Langor's jellyfish liberalism both fail to address the real issue, Mr. Chairman. We've got to get the dumb people out of Intelligence!"
Picked up before he can turn heel, Howard's questioned for his opinion--which is they should admit what they DON'T know, then learn what they need to--"and then the bad guys better watch out!"
Her bottom "pinched within an inch of its life!", Bev meets up with Howard to head back to the room On the floor, a note: The ice cream's on the cake. Just thought you'd like to know. A friend." Somehow, while she's too tired to care, Bev suspects the note's not from Gultch. "The Spelling IS better than you'd expect, but---ah, what do WE care?" asks Howard...naively.
Howard straightens out a delegation vote's bargains like an elementary school teacher. observed by Gultch and others. He invites them to the party "with the big wigs tonight." It's as trashy as you might expect.
Finally, the next day...there's a bomb on the convention floor.
One wild political satire coming right up next!!